I am a 47 year old women who is being treated for mixed bipolar for one year now, I have suffered with panic disorder since the age of 25 and it seems they have gone away and I am now stuck with anexity and all the lazy sides that go with it.
I have taken all kinds of meds to treat everything and what it all boils down to is this... I have mixed bipolar and have had it since my early adult hood or maybe teens.
Right now I am on Lamictal and supposed to be taking lexepro I feel lazy on meds or is it just me cycling i have no idea. I am frustrated with my life and I know I want to be more productive but something stops me! I used to do alot of things and as the years have gone by nothing seems to make me happy. I will say some of this is my fault. Im scared of meds so I fight to take them daily. My doctor wants me to up my Lamictal but when I tried I felt so much anexity I couldnt do it, Waiting on a call from him today to find out what to do. I wonder if he ever gets sick of me lol.
I worry alot about everything, my doc retires in one year and Im so worried about what I will do, how stupid is this? Its a year away and I am worried. I think about this and just laugh at myself. Cronic worrys all the time.
I know life has to get better than this. I dont even know who I am anymore, what I would or would not like.
I think writing in here will help me alot I have never really blogged before.
And for those of you who don't know what mixed BiPolar is here is a link that will explain better than I ever can http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/Bipolar/Site/depression/mixed_state.asp
